INKED will be here soon and I cannot WAIT to share it with you. In the meantime, here's a fun excerpt featuring Talia, a sassy tattoo artist and the 'glowing' main character; Zayn, her gorgeous-yet-infuriating boss; and Talia's slightly paranoid Jewish mother. Enjoy!
*
“Bubaleh, I’m shocked! I can’t remember the last time you called me!”
I glanced over my shoulder self-consciously. I’d turned the volume all the way down on my phone, but I was certain Zayn could hear every word she said.
“The reason I don’t call you is because I can’t go four hours without you calling me first!” I hissed through bared teeth, then took a deep breath to lower my voice to its usual sweet, dulcet tone. “Anyway, Mom, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be out of cell range for a while—”
“Why? Where are you going?”
“Camping,” I replied, then flinched. I’d never camped a day in my life. “I’m going with my boss and his, um… dog. Biscuit.”
“Raaawk!”
“In Flar-i-da? Who the hell wants to camp in Flar-i-da?”
“Oh, you know, there are plenty of nice places… Like near the everglades,” I guessed.
“Oy gotenu, I’m going to turn on the news tomorrow night to see them dissecting an alligator for my daughter’s remains!” she wailed, treading dangerously close to full-on JMZ mode. “And what do you mean, camping with your boss? Who camps with their boss?”
I snuck another glance over my shoulder. Indeed, Zayn was looking at me with a horrified expression. It dawned on me that he’d never heard me talk to my mother before, since I always took her calls outside.
As if on cue, she suddenly let out a scandalized gasp. “Talia! Are you two sleep—”
“Ma!” I blurted out, cheeks blushing furiously. “First of all, there are no alligators in Florida, they’re crocodiles.”
“What’s the difference?!” my mother demanded at the same time Zayn stage whispered, “Actually, they are alligators.”
“And, regardless,” I continued shrilly, “I’m not going to get eaten by a crocodile, because there aren’t any giant reptiles where we’re going—”
“True, but there are kelpies,” Zayn offered unhelpfully.
“Shhh!” I hissed, pressing my hand to the receiver. “Anyway, Ma, I just wanted to give you a head’s up so you didn’t freak out and—”
“Talia, you listen to me. If you and your boss are sleeping together—”
“Mom!!”
“—I hope you’ve already asked him for a raise! And for that kind of trouble, he’d better damn well be giving you the best orgasms of your life!”
I stared at the phone in my hand in absolute horror, sincerely praying that God would find it in himself to strike me dead right then and there. When lightning didn’t rain down from the sky to mercifully relieve me of my corporeal humiliation, I worked to swallow the sandpaper-covered golf ball in my throat, avoiding eye contact with Zayn at all possible costs.
Mom was still laughing gleefully. “I guess he’s using his package as part of your benefits package! Get it? …Talia?”
*
There's more laughs where this came from! Preorder INKED // Gilded Blood 1 today!
